When you found something that you needed all along, at the wrong time.

"Sometimes in life things happen that can be difficult, and often they can be extremely painful. We must push through those moments where all seems lost. When we do, we can find a new us on the other side that is wiser and more beautiful than we ever imagined.
By working through these difficult changes in life, we grow into something new, better, stronger."

Assalamualaikum everyone,

I am someone who kept things all to myself, especially regarding my feelings. I guess its the first-child trait; putting other people's first before myself, preferring to stay silent rather than being upfront of my opinions, and not being able to have an honest & open conversation. 

I learned things the hard way, but I am aware that if there is a problem or misunderstanding, it is best to fix it. Or else it will ruin the relationship. This relationship can be anything, doesnt have to be a romantic one. 

And if I am really doing it ( an honest convo ), asking what has gone wrong and I want to talk about it, that means I really do care about it. Some people just don't realise how much effort it took for me to do this, which is clearly out of my comfort zone. 

I tried it once, recently. To the person that I thought would answer me honestly. Because I realised there has been a strain between us. Disappearing from me is definitely not a wise idea. Feeling puzzled and all cus it happened out of the blue. I do believe that I don't deserve all of this. I am not saying that I am a saint, but everyone deserves an explanation. Everyone deserves a second chance to ask what's wrong, explain, apologise and make things right again. And in my case, I deserve a proper closure, if that's what you truly want.

"Some people aren't worth it if they don't make themselves worth it." I used to think that you are worth it, but now after leaving me clueless, I don't know now. I wish I knew what's wrong. But I do know that I've done what needs to be done. 

It's painful to accept the fact that sometimes what we want isn't what is best for us.

And sometimes we don't always get what we want.

I have to keep on convincing myself that  most of the times, what we want isn't what we need (at that particular time). And sometimes not getting what we want is actually a stroke of luck or a hidden blessing.

Sometimes you truly found something (someone) that you needed all along at the wrong time.

Especially when that someone came to you when you least expect. 

I might have found that person either too early or too late. 

Or maybe that person was not meant for me after all. Who knows.

Yours sincerely,

Nabilah Sofian. 

Excerpt(s)

9/2/19 ( Tuesday, 11:13 AM )

• It might take a year, it might take a day - but whatever Allah has willed will always find its way. InshaAllah.
• Trust in your own journey and your unique timing. There is no need to go crazy trying to control things & force outcomes. Just believe & do the work, everything else will fall into place. Surrender, flow & trust the process.
• ... and He is with you wherever you are.
• What is to come, will come.
• Unspoken things are what lead us to overthink in the first place. You are entitled to your own peace of mind.
• Never assume what you don't know or what you're unsure of. Always ask before you let your assumptions drain you. And it will.
• Ya Allah, I put trust in You. Whoever you bring in my way. If the person that you will or have brought to me is equal to my father, or how my father took care of me, I sincerely hope the person will stay. Every woman deserves their happy ending to be like their father's equal, or better, not less. Not less. When people say never settle for less, I figured this is what it actually means.

14/2/19 ( Sunday, 12:10 AM )

• May Allah ease everything- every step that I will take, every decisions that I will make, every actions that I will take, and every plan that I have and will make.
• Wherever it might be, I hope I will be happy & feel content. There is nothing like life-goal achievement than loving your job or being happy with it.
• I guess we will only learn to appreciate once we have lost it. Things or people. Or even a sound mind. And there is nothing more peaceful than a sound mind. This, I've just realised. I guess I lost it ever since the exam. And it has gotten even more chaotic the fact that I have a lot of uncertainties that I need to face. Be it my uni or personal life. And how ironic is that it goes hand in hand; last Dec I was certain of both, and now it is the opposite. 
• As humans, we can only hope because hope is the only one that we can cling onto. However, at its worst, hope breeds internal misery. So does expectations. But I feel it is not wrong when we expect for things that is best for ourselves, like a valid explanation. At least I feel I do. 
• Assumptions will consume you. Toxic minds will drain you.
• I can only hope, even though it might breed internal misery.

15/2/19 ( Monday, 8:54 PM )

• "Allah will bring you what you wish for. In the most beautiful way." - I believe in this. 
• She is strong but she is exhausted. But she rises, and tries again. And again.
• I hope He will grant you every form of rizq in the word. Be it tranquility of a soul, healthiness of a body, purity of a heart, soundness of a thought, du'a from a mother, kindness of a father, caring of a friend, or even a good night sleep.
•  At your very best, you'll never be right for the wrong person, but even at your worst, the right person will remind you of your worth. Please remember your worth.
• Being patient is the struggle in not just knowing, but understanding that being given what you need, is far greater than being given what you wanted. It is appreciating the blessings of being given what you seek, and in having what you sought taken from you.
• Dreams come true, if Allah wills. Keep striving, keep working for it. Keep praying for it, keep asking for it, keep hoping. All things come in due time.
• Redha; is when you accept what has been decreed to you, as what's best for you at that particular time. I wish I can be fully redha with everything that is happening. I am trying my very best.
• The saddest word in the whole wide world is the word almost. There are so many "almost" that happened and I don't know what to feel about it. But my heart aches, everytime I've thought of it.